Balancing Careers, Culture, and Parenthood: The Emotional Journey of Sending My Child to Nursery

So today, I picked up my little girl from the nursery. She goes half-day on Wednesdays and a full day on Thursdays. I won’t sugarcoat it—it’s been an emotional rollercoaster for both me and my wife. Sending her to nursery was not an easy decision, and honestly, it’s something we’ve been going back and forth about. Being Filipino, it just feels so hard. Culturally, we’re not really used to leaving our little ones in nursery while pursuing careers. Back home in the Philippines, the idea is that one parent stays home with the kids, and the other works to provide.

But, you know, in today’s world, one income isn’t really enough, especially for families living overseas. Two working parents are pretty much a must. Still, there’s this constant internal struggle about how to balance career and raising our child. It’s not easy. I’ve seen many friends try to make it work with flexible hours, like one parent doing day shifts and the other doing night shifts, so they can avoid putting their kids in nursery. But that comes with its own set of challenges.

For us, there are three main hurdles we keep facing.

First, the whole idea of nursery care is still new to us. We only really got introduced to it when we moved to the UK. Back home, the norm is that the mom handles everything with the kids, and while I don’t agree with that outdated view, it’s still something that weighs heavily on my wife. She feels that pressure, like it’s expected of her to do everything with the child-rearing. I, on the other hand, feel this constant guilt for not doing enough—whether it’s helping more at home or being more involved with our daughter. And when you look at the older generations in our family, who grew up with the mindset that the mother is the primary caregiver, it becomes even harder to break free from that. It’s a lot of mental strain for both of us.

The second thing that’s really bothering me is the fear of losing our daughter’s cultural heritage. My wife is super passionate about teaching our daughter our mother tongue, and I completely support that. But I’ve realized that I could be doing more to help her with this. We speak both English and Filipino at home, but switching between the two isn’t always easy, especially since we tend to mix English words in our conversations. It’s not like other languages where people can just speak fluently in their native tongue without adding any English. And then there’s the reality that our daughter needs to be good at English because that’s the main language at nursery. It’s this constant balancing act of making sure she stays connected to her roots while also helping her socialize and adapt with the other kids at nursery. I know we’re not the only ones facing this, but it’s a challenge we’re still trying to figure out.

The third challenge is more about our personal fears. Leaving our child with someone we don’t know well is a big deal. It’s scary—what if a stranger is the one feeding, dressing, or comforting her? What if we miss out on some of her milestones because we’re not there to witness them? Instead, we get these reports and photos through an app, which just doesn’t feel the same. It makes me wonder: will we truly know our daughter, or just the version of her that’s shared through these updates? And then I also worry—am I really supporting my wife through all of this, or does she feel like she’s going through it alone?

And on top of that, there’s this dynamic between my wife and me. You know, I’ve always been career-driven, and I tend to encourage my wife to pursue the same path. I’ve always pushed her to continue her nursing career, which is something I believe she’s really great at. But then, in the middle of all this, she got pregnant. That probably brought on a lot of worries about whether she could juggle both her career and childcare. She’s even mentioned going back to shift work to make it all work, but I truly believe we can figure this out together. I want her to have a professional identity, not just be a mom and a wife. She’s a fantastic nurse, and I know how much value she brings to her work. It’s so important to me that she continues to grow in her career, just as much as she’s growing as a mother.

After thinking through all of this, we realized a few things.

• Adaptability is crucial. The world has changed, and expectations have too. What worked for past generations doesn’t necessarily apply to today. Our main goal is to provide the best for our daughter. And sometimes, that means we both need to work, which unfortunately means sending her to nursery. It’s not ideal, but it’s a reality we need to face.

• Communication is everything. I’m usually a good communicator at work, but I’ve realized I often fall short at home. I assume my wife knows what I’m thinking or that she understands, but I’ve learned that’s not always the case. I read this book on self-reflection, and it really opened my eyes to how we sometimes fail to communicate effectively. It’s not always about having good intentions—sometimes, our words just don’t land right.

• Trust is key. I am a nurse, a profession where people trust me with their loved ones during some of their most vulnerable moments. I’m responsible for their care, and it’s something I take very seriously. Similarly, I now have to place my trust in the nursery. We’ve done our research, talked to other parents, and gathered feedback from friends, but at the end of the day, it’s about finding someone we trust to care for our little one.

Balancing career and family is a constant journey. There are days full of doubt and second-guessing. But we’re learning that adaptability, communication, and trust are what will help us figure this out. And no matter what, we’re doing our best to make sure our daughter has the best life possible, keeping her cultural heritage alive, and supporting each other as we grow in both our professional and personal roles.